A First Bitter Taste, The Sacrifice Of Serving

Just moments after we started driving down Interstate 64, St. Louis behind us, I received the sad news that my Aunt Georgia had passed away earlier that morning. Our family had just visited her bedside two days before while we were in Tulsa. 

It was expected but still very sad news, indeed. I immediately thought of my cousins and how much they must be hurting over losing their mom. I thought of my mom and the pain she felt of very losing her big sister. It was also sad to know her funeral would be a few days later and I would not be there to pay my due respects. The reality of relatives passing and us not being in the country to honor them hit me pretty hard. Guilt weighed in on me. Here we are driving kids, pets and our entire life toward a future of being gone. I pray my family will forgive me. The whole thing gives me such a heavy heart. I have sat by enough post-surgical bedsides to recognize the burden it causes when a helping hand is needed and family members are not available for whatever reason. Sean and I agreed that we will do what we can to set aside money for a fast flight home in the case of an emergency- that’s the best we can think of for now. Even that seems like a thin solution to my concerns. 

Driving on towards our new life just as a loved one ends her journey on Earth causes me to sift many crazy scenarios as we drove down the road. People will pass. People will get married. Many raw moments to show how much I care and how deeply I love people will come up and I’ll be someplace else representing the United States as an EFM, or an eligible family member. Sean’s not officially on the payroll yet and we are already missing important “wet cement” moments in the family in order to meet the expectations of the State. We HAVE to get to the DC area by Saturday in order to sign in for our apartment. Sean must be fresh and ready for FSI first thing Monday morning. Therefore, we drove on because I hope and believe that this opportunity is more than a selfish desire. 




In loving memory of my Aunt Georgia Mae Crabtree.

L-