All week I've replied to the many loving texts and emails asking me about news or info. If only I knew! So many things are hinged on which country we get. Everything we do has been affected by the hideous wait and the want of this information. Little things, normal things take on a new dimension. It goes something like this-
Kid: "Mom, check it out. The jacket I want is on sale!"
Me: "Well, if we end up living in Jakarta it will be hot all the time. You won't need a jacket. Let's wait and see what we learn on flag day. We don't really know what we need to buy just yet- plus it will add to the weight of all our stuff here. Seriously, please try to hold off on that until Flag Day."
See what I mean? Normal things that have little to do with flag day somehow become all about it and dig the hole deeper. You can take that same conversation/template and swap out the word "jacket" and replace it with "eggs" or "karate lessons", or "cool socks from Urban Outfitters"... and there you have it! Our life over the last few months.
I've had to seriously re-employ the "wait and see" muscles we developed during our adoption a few years ago. Adoptive parents understand what I'm talking about...the wait. The unbelievable truck loads of hope. The red tape and constant changes to the game plan. The brain battle of trying your best not to get shaken up over the worst possible outcome scenarios. These are important skills to have when you are no longer in control. Flag day and adoption- it is so much the same feeling!
Speaking of feelings... I keep going over my mental "where-o-meter" and trying to catch any vibe in my gut about which country we will be going to -but I keep coming up flat! Therefore, I am nearly completely convinced that we will be posted in DC for a year. My dream machine must be completely out of juice right now because I just can't seem to imagine us anywhere else for the time being.
No matter what tomorrow's big reveal holds, I will know that we are where we are supposed to be- which pretty much sums up the most important thing in Sean's and my life- our belief that God is very present in the details and that He is enjoying the fact we are ready and waiting for our biggest ride yet on the crazy bus.
It is now Friday, August 17th- just after midnight and 3pm seems like forever away. I am awake- which is nothing new- especially this week. My original plan was to try my very best to sleep in on Friday, thus reducing my awake time and making 3 pm come faster. However, it seems me and the kid (previously mentioned) are getting up early to go shopping. I hear there is a big sale on jackets.